During the last few weeks I have witnessed several on-line friends get wounded by blatant arrogance and nastiness from other people, especially women, on the internet.
In the case of Friend A, a particularly virulent dose of poison was left on a comment that attacked her family values, her lifestyle choices and her decision to share details of her life on her blog.
A statement made by this scorpion had me gaping. She said that since no one else would say it, it was up to her to do it. She went on to say things that would have shattered your soul if it had been addressed to you. It made me sick to my stomach that someone could be so vicious with another person’s feelings and dreams.
Of course, my very smart friend moderates her comments so that piece of filth never saw the light of day on the internet, but the damage was done.
Who does this person think they are? What right do they have to attack someone they have never met in real life with such hatred? Was it because she is successful and is popular with everyone she interacts with?
If she did not like what Friend A had to say on her blog, there was always the little red x in the top right hand corner. No one was pinning her arm behind her back and forcing her to read that blog.
I started to think about this scorpion and remembered something I had read a while back. I forget where I read it, but it goes like this: “Hurting people hurt!”. This may not make sense right now but read it again. When you are hurting, it is so easy to lash out at someone else because it makes you feel better about yourself and your situation.
Or does it?
The damage to yourself when you crush someone else is subtle but insidious. It permeates your soul, slowly hardening your heart until there is no heart beat. No joy. No laughter. No life.
Why would you want to do that to yourself?
Words have the power to destroy a person’s sense of well being, and shatter their hopes and dreams. The problem is that words are freely available on the internet. Every computer-literate Tom, Dick and Harry, and their sisters have a blog where they share their lives or thoughts.
Be gentle with them. They are real people, not just a user name.
Here’s the bit that left me shattered. This so called “it’s up to me” scorpion never left her name. It was an anonymous comment. No link back to her website or blog, no initials, just a text box filled with cowardly poison.
My advice to Friend A was to “Forgive them, pray for them, forget them and move on.” There are thousands of wonderful people connecting on the internet. The few scorpions will eventually crawl back under their rocks.
The question is: Are you one of them or are you changing people’s lives for the better with your words?
Feel free to share with your friends.
9 comments:
I hear you loud and clear, Di ! There have been a few I know of too that have said things in anger or ignorance, and later wish they hadn't ! I have also revised my thoughts on some social groups over the last week, and have written to a few friends of my concerns. The sorts of things that happen, and appear to happen, that may be misunderstood, is frightening. I can surely see why our poor teens and not so teens are ending their lives over someone else's lack of consideration of how the reader, intended or not, would be feeling, after such comments. I felt like I never wanted to go near this well known social group again. I just wish you could edit comments, because you may have realised later it may not be read how you intended it to be read ! Words don't have emotions, but most people DO !
Thank you for speaking up, for those who are feeling shattered right now ...
Here's to more friendly people !
Hugs, Deb. (not Anon) :)
I have often wished I could go back and edit a comment Debs. Sometimes you may something as a bit of a tease or playfulness but when you reread it you realise that it may be misunderstood.
What would we do without smileys huh? ;)
Of course NOW would be a really great time to be able to edit a comment.
I meant to say "sometimes you may say something ...".
My fingers are faster than my brain! :D
Yep, I reckon most of my comments would be a tease, or definitely a positive "I like your kit" sort of thing. Having been on the receiving end so often, I only say nice things to people, unless we are face to face, or at least on a phone !
Deb :)
Anger can do terrible things to people and know how hard it is to try and not let it become important to us if we are on the receiving end. It's just a shame that often we remember what hurts more than what heals. Do appreciate all that is given on the blogs and have prayers for all that are going through trying times.
Very true Maureen. Forgetting the hurt is the hard part. Thanks for your comments.
I'm spending a few moments "blog hopping" and have run across yours...and thought I would toss in my two cents.
The "hurting people hurt" statement I think is very often true, in regard to both bloggers and those who leave comments. In my time in the world of blogs I have found blogs that are constant rantings about EVERY little nit picking thing, or rambling whines about why EVERYTHING is "wrong" in someone's life. Many of those blogs have comments that agree in the negative...Like does attract like. And, every now and again, someone feels the need to lash out in new territory...to draw blood, so to speak, from someone new. To satisfy some desire they have within them to feel the pain of another...probably to mask their own.
Happiness is a choice, so is unhappiness...and for those folks who would rather be unhappy and lash out at others, there is absolutely nothing you can do...except be tolerant. It may not do a thing for them, but it certainly does a great deal for you.
You do have to let go...although I find it difficult myself, when I suddenly lose a follower I always wonder what I did wrong...but the bottom line is you can only do the best you can do...and let go of the rest. Don't allow what someone else says to affect who you know you are.
And thanks for allowing me my two (maybe five) cents worth in the discussion!
This is a great post and I'm going to remember your "hurting people hurt" comment. I've often wondered when I see negative, hurtful comments on somebody's blog while I'm out blog hopping why the person didn't just leave the blog if they didn't like it. There are so very many blogs so if you don't like one then just move on.
Thank you Elizabeth and "Creative dream". Those are profound insights
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